A small step along the road

Last year I posted about some parts of my journey into getting my life back on track after (and during) considerable bad health and other difficult personal circumstances.

At the time of posting I was just trying to organise and begin some voluntary work to get me back into the work place and get me recent experience to enable me to get back into paid work once more. Also, I was hoping, to try and improve my anxiety which has worsened over the past couple of years (after starting when I became ill with IBD and other related problems).

At the time, even making small steps to get my life back on track seemed to be met with big stumbling blocks, which when you feel like you've got everything against you and you are using all your emotional strength just to get that far, to be met by a brick wall can be quite distressing!

To start my position at the hospital I needed to have appropriate identification, in this case I needed a passport and my current one had just ran out! Great timing! I had no money to get a new one and no other appropriate identification and seemingly no way to get round the problem and was feeling quite defeatist at points (which can clearly be noticed in my quite negative post from last year)!
After finally getting some funds (through a small loan) and a couple more hiccups I finally got an application for renewal sent off.

Long story short I finally started the voluntary work in May last year at a local hospital.
I'm working on a stroke ward and on the waiting list to help on the children's wards, which not surprisingly are popular positions.
 I'm just doing one shift a week at the moment and only during term time as there is no one regularly to have G during the holidays. I do basic tasks and errands so it can be frustrating wishing I was doing more (having a medical role, wishing I could help in other ways when it's needed etc) but it does help psychologically being back in the work place (as anyone who has been out of work for a while will know....it's awful!) and it is good to be helping in some way.
It is a step in the right direction, which may seem small to anyone reading, but it's a big one for me and a it's hurdle I've managed to jump over.

I am still struggling with my anxiety, but working in a hospital helps. I also now have the possibility I might be able to start volunteering again at the local (ish) animal sanctuary, where last year transport was an issue. A younger family member (who would have transport) needs some work experience and support and the animal sanctuary may be a great place to do it.
I would love to help out there again. The sanctuary is a charity so relies on donations and volunteers, and along side being an animal lover, I did a lot of charity and fundraising activities before developing Crohn's. It's something I'm still passionate about and enjoy but I'm now very limited in what I can do, but this is still one way I could help.

I am hoping soon I will have enough experience I can use for a reference and then the battle to get back into paid work will properly begin!

Throwback Thursdays 9/10/14 Graduation - the man who got me there

I became ill with Crohn's disease and other complications at 19, after my first amazing year of uni (educationally and socially), my first festival (working for charity at Glastonbury), a good holiday job at a pharmacy management company and a great family holiday in Spain. Everything came crashing down.
Becoming ill in the way I did completely turned my life upside down. I massively struggled to get through the day. Back at uni after a year deferred I was still massively struggling. It was often a huge psychological battle just to be able to leave the house. It often still is.

This photo is on my graduation day with my tutor Terry ...without him I wouldn't have made it through, I wouldn't have graduated, I wouldn't have made it through another day or week there.

Exercise as a single mum - getting back on track.

So what's that phrase? 'I've let myself go'? Well having a baby inevitably leads to weight gain however if you are sensible and don't over eat (no matter how starving you might actually feel sometimes - my first trimester I was always so hungry and so tired) it can be more manageable.
I didn't realise until after I had my daughter how much excess I had put on. 1 to 1 and 1/2 stone. I'd gone from an 8 - 10 to a large size 12.

At that point I was going through domestic abuse and other troubles and didn't manage to do anything about the weight. After becoming a single mum and having no one to have my daughter so I could exercise, coping with the aftermath of a massive breakdown & the on going crippling depression for a few months after and coping with a worsening flare of my Crohn's & therefore further courses of medicinal steroids, I didn't find manage to loose the weight then either.
If anything I yoyoed between gaining and loosing another 1/2 stone.

Weight, despite how much it got me down, was not my priority then. Surviving the day was. As I got better psychologically I began to think about exercising again.
As I still had no one to leave G with so I could go for a run I decided to opt for work out dvd's.
 I used to be fond of these a few years ago due to being very self conscious if running by myself, especially with not being quite the runner I used to be.

I used to favour Ministry of Sound work out collection. I love dancing or working out to music as it feels more like having fun rather than the slog of 40 mins to an hours hard exercise.
Now though I was looking for something serious to help really shift the weight and I'd heard people talking about 30 day shred by a trainer from America's biggest loser.

Jillian Michaels is one for circuit training which I'd read good things about and her work out's combined strength and cardio which is the best way for shedding the pounds quickly. I didn't need anymore convincing than that so got myself a copy after sourcing out where it was cheapest and set to it the next time I'd had enough sleep and G was napping. (This was well over a year ago when she would still nap).
At the time I was still going through a flare of Crohn's but I really was desperate to get fit again.
I felt really positive with the shred and although a bit tough when you get started on level 1 after no hard core exercise, I was enjoying it.
However with having to walk everywhere (no car and saving the pennies from bus fare) I would sometimes be too exhausted to do it after a long walk somewhere to get shopping or having taken G somewhere and then just generally looking after G and doing all the house work.
I kept on but I ended up falling down my very steep stairs at home one day and really damaging my tailbone.
I was in agony for a long time and the pain didn't fully go until a year later. This along with my worsening Crohn's resulting in me being hospitalised for a short while, put a stop to the exercise.
Over the next few months I still kept walking miles to save money and get things done but still in a flare I made myself incredibly unwell and landed back in hospital again at Christmas.


I have a lot of reasons to spur me on to lose weight.
I hate the way I look right now, my self esteem is rock bottom.
I fit in none of my nice clothes of which I had plenty. Instead due to being broke ever since I have been a bigger size I could only afford a few clothes and maybe one new item on a rare occasion. Leading to my clothes being worn over and over and me looking like a scruff bag. I hate being like this and want my old self back.
I want to feel happier with how I look. I want to have nice clothes and not be scruffy everywhere I go but especially as G will be starting school next year and I will have the dreaded playground pick up!
I want to eventually meet someone new and one reason I am avoiding a '10 years since we started uni reunion' is how I look.


Now I'm on a much stronger medication my Crohn's isn't taking over so much. My joints aren't so painful every day and I don't have daily blood loss I feel a bit stronger. I don't feel like an 80 year old woman every day I get out of bed (or maybe 90 when I get into bed at the end of a day).
I've finally been brave and got out my trainers and the hand weights and stuck good old Jillian on again.





G has her free preschool hours on a couple of afternoons a week which I usually use to get the shopping done, housework done and other non stop new errands that are always coming up.
When I was ill it would have been much more beneficial to rest and do something relaxing but if I don't get everything done who else will? Like when people tell you to nap when your baby does. Sometimes from sheer exhaustion I'd have to but if you did as others said you'd have no clean clothes, dishes, you'd be living in filth and rubbish, have no groceries, bills left unpaid.....the list goes on.
Now I'm feeling moderately better than I was I'm trying to get the workout done each time she's at nursery and occasionally after she's gone to bed if I'm not about to drop myself. It may not be how the 30 day shred is meant to be used but it will still help me build up my base level of fitness again and loose a few pounds. I also used two of Jillian's other tough but great work out's before I fell down the stairs last year. They are 40-50 minutes work out's and I can't jump straight into them or I won't have the strength to look after G or myself but I'm hoping I'll get there gradually.
After only 3 days of 30 day shred I'm already feeling a little stronger.
I had to take a rest day today as I had to walk into town and get the heavy grocery shopping and then get the housework done....on top of G being up almost all last night. I hope to get back on to it tomorrow.

I'm also trying to be more conscious of my food shops and now I'm coping better with my depression, stress and anxiety most of the time I'm doing better and not opting for the unhealthy quick fix.

It can be very hard finding the time/opportunity to exercise when you're a financially troubled single mum.
If I could choose I'd have my own gym at home and be on the treadmill whilst listening to some music or catching up with a tv show. Two birds....
A home swimming pool would also be great. I can but dream.....

I'm starting voluntary work and a course to help me get back into paid employment soon so I will have less time and energy to exercise then so I'm hoping to really crack down on my weight before then. I want to fit in my old clothes and wave my scruff bag days goodbye!


Do you find it hard to fit in time for exercise? Are any of you trying to lose weight too?

Let me know.

This is one of a few posts I am doing on the topic of getting back on track with health and fitness. If you have been unwell or not had the time to take care of yourself you might relate. Here are my other posts: Water Challenge and Hair Restoration.

Regaining my health - Hair restoration

As I mentioned in my Water Challenge post my self esteem is currently rock bottom and I'm a shell of my former self. Being very unwell, dealing with a huge amount of stress, being on some horrible medications and just not having the time and energy to look after myself on top of everything else has really taken it's toll on my body.

One of many things that is suffering is my hair. Stress and ill health along with one of my medications has lead to me loosing a lot of  hair. This has been very hard to deal with and when at it's thinnest is very depressing. It is slightly better now but also very damaged. Last time I had the time and money to get a haircut (over a year ago) I was advised to get a protein spray for my hair but I've still not had the spare £12 that I've not needed for something more important.

I'm desperate to get back to the hairdressers and have some of the damaged hair cut of and have it restyled so I will be trawling groupon, wowcher and other such sites for some good local deals soon. For now though I need to start looking after it better. I want to tackle the problem from both inside and out, so I wanted to find vitamins specific for the hair and a good hair product, maybe a shampoo.

Due to being on a very tight budget I couldn't get the vitamins I would have liked from Holland & Barret but I found these skin, hair and nails vitamins at Asda for a much cheaper price. I'm hoping they will start to make a difference after using them for a while.

I also found some NSPA hair rituals products in the reduced section in Asda. They had a few different versions to cater for different hair types but the product I chose was the Repairing Shampoo (step 1) for dry/damaged hair. They have 3 steps and so 3 products for each hair type. They had the conditioner and a hair mask (steps 2 & 3 for this hair type) but I could only get the shampoo on this occasion.

Hair care from Asda

The shampoo says:

 For the ultimate weapon against dry and brittle hair, try NSPA Repairing Shampoo and Conditioner. This Shampoo cleans with an ultra-rich spa-professional formula that will intensely soften and smooth your hair to leave it feeling like pure silk. Formulated with Pro-Vitamin B5 this gentle shampoo adds luminosity and restores moisture to replenish and intensely condition your hair and repair split ends leaving your locks beautifully sleek and with a brilliant shine.For best results, follow with an NSPA Step 2 conditioner and Step 3 treatment.

It says they work better used all together but I'm hoping this will start to make a difference after prolonged use on it's own as well. I already have another brand hair mask purchased a while back I'm going to use this weekend. NSPA is an animal friendly brand which I was happy to read.

I'm going to keep using these products over the next two months and see if I see any positive changes in the health and appearance of my hair. Fingers crossed.

Water Challenge

                     Image sourced from internet

I am awful at remembering to look after myself since having a child. Obviously my long term illness doesn't help matters but is all the more reason why I should be doing. I remember to run round making sure I have done everything for G and getting as much house work done a long the way and now even this new blogging venture is coming first before looking after number one.
Obviously G will always come first but I need to take better care of myself for her sake as well as mine.

One of my issues is not drinking enough. Plenty of people don't but this can be especially dangerous when my disease is in full flare. I have a low blood pressure anyway but due to daily blood loss and other fluid loss, if I don't keep up the fluids the occurrence of collapse and hospital visits to be hooked up on IV's roll around much faster.

At the moment, whilst I am seemingly in remission but un well with other related issues, I can see how badly my body and appearance has suffered from my recent hardships over the past couple of years. I would say I am literally a shell of my former self except for the fact I am almost 2 stone heavier since having a baby (having a baby was the good bit) and several sessions of steroid treatment - but basically my figure, hair, skin and my mental state of mind have suffered. I don't fit in my old clothes of which I had plenty and with having no money the past couple of years I only have a few items which after being worn over and over mean I always look scruffy!

I am desperate to make a change to this to help get me back and improve my mental well being and self esteem (rock bottom right now). Drinking enough is a good first step - a small one but a very important one.

It is recommended that we should drink 8 glasses a day or 1.6 litres for a woman and 2 litres for a man.

There is a lot of different advice out there about how much we should drink but you can't deny the benefits of drinking water and drinking enough.

Skin is one thing that definitely benefits - I suffer from dry spot prone skin. I generally got past the spot stage but then the evil steroidal treatment which I was put on multiple times (despite the fact it no longer worked) played havoc with my skin. Drinking water helps clear out your toxins, so not having enough is not going to do your skin any favours. It also obviously gives you more moisture and rehydrated skin has only got to make you look younger and healthy.

The toxins in your body affect you in many other ways than just your skin. Flushing them out with water is a much cheaper alternative than going to a spa.

Weight - this is another pressing factor to increase my fluid intake. Thirst can often be mistaken for hunger. I know I do it sometimes. So drinking enough can help decrease your appetite too

Dehydration can affect your concentration and memory and general brain function and also what I didn't know until now you are more likely to catch a bug if dehydrated!

Drinking enough also helps your digestive system be regular and without that again toxins are more likely to build up and damage your body.

So from tomorrow I'll be consciously increasing my fluid intake (hot drinks, milk and squash count too, even fizzy drinks but obviously water is the best for you) and hoping after a while it will be automatic to once drink enough again!

Writing in on here means I have to do it ...if the other factors weren't enough reason!

Image sourced from internet

For anyone who is suddenly thinking they really don't drink enough ....don't over do it and drink the 8 glasses in one go ...water intoxication can be fatal. Just be more aware tomorrow and spread it out through the day.

Let me know if you do the Water Challenge and if you see any improvements in your health/appearance after a few weeks.